11.12.2013

Five Little Known Facts About Greyhounds

In the interests of public education I thought I would share with you some little known facts about greyhounds. 

Fact 1:  Greyhounds have no stomachs.  Yes it’s true.  Greyhounds have black holes where stomachs would be on ordinary dogs.  Don’t believe me?  Feed a greyhound until it’s full.  It will never happen.  It also explains why most greyhounds simply open their mouths and their food disappears.  I assume that the event horizon beyond which there is no turning back from the massive gravity of a black hole is right at the end of
Girly Girl Greyhound
Sometimes, if you catch the light just right, you can see and photograph
the black hole as seen here with Girly Girl.  Luckily, I did manage to avoid
the even horizon.
their tongues. (That’s a bonus fact for you.)

Fact 2: All greyhounds carry some human genetic material.  Again, totally true.  It is believed that somewhere in the distant past, greyhound DNA somehow mixed with the DNA of the Van Winkle family.  This family was made famous by one of its patriarchs, Rip Van Winkle known to have slept for decades straight.  This trait was passed down to his progeny and also became a key characteristic of the breed we know and love today. 

Fact 3: Greyhounds are responsible for the marketing phenomena known as “product placement” in modern TV, Film and Literature.  Greyhounds were the first to organize a great lobbying and marketing firm with eventual success in placing the greyhound name in the most popular book of all time, the Bible.  They created a stir when they were able to lock down the only canine mention in the whole book.  You’ll see Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Dre’s Beats Speakers or Audi’s in the movies but greyhounds did it first and they did it best.  

Subsequently they scored a second coup when in the early 80’s they rallied one of the largest nations on the planet to their cause and became the most well known breed with its own rescue organization surpassing all other breed rescues with respect to public relations savvy. (Oh boy, another bonus fact!)

Fact 4: Greyhounds have an innate ability for macramé.  Put any greyhound at the end of a reasonably long string (such as a leash) and he or she will automatically begin weaving that string into a lovely piece of macramé.  If two or more greyhounds are together they will braid and knot their strings into complex creations.  If it is a single greyhound they will incorporate items from their environment into their designs such as your legs, sign poles, trees, bushes etc. 
Greyhounds Begin a Macrame Project
Here is a good example of greyhounds Lady Flame, Jester, Blue and Skye
in the beginning stages of their creative macrame process


Fact 5: Greyhounds have near-complete command of The Force.  With little more than a look greyhounds can move most animate objects and bend them to their will.  Want to go out?  Want a treat?  Want a walk or a ride?  They use The Force and humans are powerless to resist.  Use of The Force has been handed down through the ages from mother to litter.  There isn’t a greyhound that ever existed who didn’t work his or her way into a soft cushy place, good food, fancy collars, painted masterpieces and all the luxuries they could imagine through use of The Force.  Wonder why greyhounds have been the breed of nobility?  Wonder no more.  The fact that greyhounds even know what The Force is could be an indicator of interstellar origins for this breed.  Did the first greyhound arrive on a meteor?  Maybe!

32 comments:

  1. HAHAHA oh I love the Macrame fact the most ;)

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    1. We call it the maypole. Same thing ;)

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    2. I don't have Greyhounds, but I call it the maypole too ;-)

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  2. #6. Greyhounds can breathe through their ears. Just look at any grey with his nose buried in the carpet, dog bed, pillow, or underarm. How is he breathing? The ears.

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    1. LOL! Wish I had known that fact when I wrote this!

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    2. hahahahhahahahahah that's totally funny and true!

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  3. In the "dead dog / sleeping dog" picture, is that a tripod or where's the left front leg??
    ~ MKEgal

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    1. Girly Girl was a tripod for the last year of her life.

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    2. I was so in awe of her perfect "dead cockroach" pose that I didn't even notice she was a tripod!! <3

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  4. Very interesting! If greyhounds have black holes in their stomachs, why do they produce so much poop? :)

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    1. The poop facts could take a whole post. But it involves little elves in the lower intestine...

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    2. Every Black Hole has an "in" and an "out". Let's just assume that the "out" isn't pretty.. :)

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  5. What a fabulous post! I feel so enlightened and educated!

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  6. Really enjoyed the "facts" of Greyhound Life!

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  7. Great humor and great writing! May the Force be with you!

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  8. Oh, my! Hilarious, and oh so true!!!

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  9. Ahahahahahah! Very cute!

    Jeffie is the only known exception to No. 1 in the entire world. It is hard to get that dog to eat a full meal twice in a row! He is also pretty good at invisible macrame, which means he doesn't actually need any string at all to tie you up into knots.

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    1. Joey T. Wunderhundt12/18/13, 6:04 AM

      Joey and Jeffie must be closely related. He could tie me up very well with no leash in the area, and must have survived using the force to bring food in at night, 'cause I didn't see him eat all that much in his later years.

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  10. I love this! I'd like to read your take on "Five Little Known Facts About Greyhound Owners" now ;)

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  11. love a tri-pawd! I have one

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  12. Lol. Not being very educated on the greyhounds...you had me going for a bit:)

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  13. The one thing I would disagree with is the comment "There isn’t a greyhound that ever existed who didn’t work his or her way into a soft cushy place, good food, fancy collars, painted masterpieces and all the luxuries they could imagine through use of The Force".
    Unfortunately there are too many greyhounds who never see the good things in life. The statement is much more likely to be true if it read..."There isn’t a (rescued) greyhound that ever existed who didn’t work his or her way into a soft cushy place, good food, fancy collars, painted masterpieces and all the luxuries they could imagine through use of The Force".

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    1. Joey T. Wunderhundt12/18/13, 6:10 AM

      Well, that struck me, as well, but the gist of post is wonderful. We all know how horribly they suffer, but to project this post out some years to when Grey racing is completely done way with is a hope we all wish for, and so many of us work toward. Be Well.

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  14. Love this and it applies to Iggy's too except for the Bible part.

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  15. The length and complexity of the macrame is in direct proportion to how many greys you're walking and how long you've been walking them....

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  16. My girl Spirit, weaves in and out of legs all the time and that is a fact!!! she is a lurcher <3

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  17. Joey T. Wunderhundt12/18/13, 6:17 AM

    And, no, my Grey didn't look funny. It was people's minds that looked at him funny. I did have a lady roll down her window and scream at me one day, "God damn it! FEED THAT DOG!" I just laughed and thanked her for caring so much about Joey's well-being that she was willing to put her well-being on the line to publicly call me out on what she thought was someone mistreating their animal. It was pretty cool.

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