This Is a Public Service Announcement-Do Not Adopt a Greyhound

Everyone’s blogs are reminding me that April is Adopt a Greyhound month.  I have seen some great lists about why you should adopt a greyhound.  I think my favorite is posted on Greyhounds CAN Sit’s blog.  I thought I’d take a moment to give you some reasons you should NOT adopt a greyhound.

They aren’t for everyone.  Greyhounds are special creatures with amazing souls.  Some people don’t deserve them.  So if you are one of the people listed below, consider a cat or perhaps a nice pair of shoes.

1. You hate to laugh. If you have no sense of humor and spend much of your time grumpy. Do not get a greyhound.

2. You want privacy. I suppose if you are this sort of person you shouldn’t have kids or

a spouse either. But definitely do not get a greyhound. They don’t respect bathrooms, bedrooms or closed doors of any kind. Nothing is sacred.

3. You don’t like physical contact. The majority of greyhounds lean. They also like to curl up next to you. Or on you. Some must be touching you at almost all times. They are not called Velcro dogs for nothing.

4. You don’t believe that animals have souls. Greyhounds have soul spilling out their ears. And personality coming out of every other orifice. Get thee away from the hound if this is you.

5. You are fussy neat. This is probably true of any canine. Nose print art on all your windows, pounds of fur found in places you never would dream of, including most of your food, dog poop in your yard, vomit, urine, and drool. All of these things are yours with a greyhound.

6. You like to wear black or white. Forget it. If you consider yourself chic and black is the new black, don’t bother with a greyhound. You will never wear another item of clothing that doesn’t have some reminder of your black, white or multi-colored greyhound.

7. You hate dog smell. Well, wait a minute. You’d probably be all right on this one since greyhounds do not typically smell like dogs, even when wet. Still, if you hate dog smell, you really need to consider why you would get one of any kind.

8. You like to save all your money. Vet bills, food, treats, coats, collars, fancy collars, fancy

coats, bowls, beds, blankets, toys, a special greyhound sized car and all the other things you’ll buy for your hounds add up. In fact, never add it up if you want to stay in denial and thus, happy.

9. You are a super athlete looking for your next marathon partner. There certainly are cases of greyhounds that go jogging or hiking. Even a whippet that did well in disc dog competition. But 98% of greyhounds are couch potatoes. They’ll keep your spot on the couch warm. They’ll meet you at the door at the end of your run. But otherwise you’ll probably end up carrying them home about one 10th of a mile down the road.

10. You intend to reach the end of your life with a completely intact heart. When they leave you, and they ultimately must, they’ll take a giant chunk of your heart with them. The next one will help to fill the hole but it never fills in completely. At the end of your road there will be pieces missing. And it’s all in with greyhounds. There are no sort of half ways. Love it or leave it be.