Fright Night

Imagine, if you will, a random Friday evening. At home. Alone. Just me and the hounds. It’s dark outside and we’re watching Ghost Adventures. Bettina-weena is on the couch next to me while I let the program completely freak me out.

Bettina’s head suddenly pops up. Her ears clearly indicate that she’s seen or heard something of great import and is now on high alert. Worse still, she’s laser focused on the back door. She is staring so intently, I thought that perhaps it had turned into a small white dog or a cat.

My heart skips a beat. We’re in the boonies and there is no doubt in my mind that none of my neighbors is near enough to hear me scream. I haven’t tested this theory but when none of my neighbors heard me sobbing after being too afraid to get back off of my roof this winter when I went up there to try and shovel the snow off of it, I don’t hold high hopes.

Damned sheer curtains on the back door. I can’t see out at night, but whatever might be out there can definitely see in. Bettina could just be reacting to the vague reflections of she and I that you can see in the glass of the door behind the curtains. As I’ve related previously, Bettina has a thing about reflections and no amount of scientifically based evidence to the contrary can coax her into believing those reflections are us.

Except then Blue pops up, ears quivering and standing at attention. He to, is on high alert. Really? Right now? While I’m home alone, watching a scary ghost program in the dark? Perhaps Blue is just reacting to Bettina’s defcon state. Or are they really hearing or seeing something out “there”? More importantly, do I dare check?

Bettina is craning her neck into strange pretzel shapes in order to get a better view of the back door. Blue is now on his feet, hackles raised. Bettina gets off the couch and starts cautiously creeping towards the back door.

Crike! I start looking for a heavy object to use as a weapon. This certainly isn’t how I envisioned my last few moments on earth. Still I decide I’ll at least go out fighting and make any slasher pay dearly for my blood. Unless, that is, the unknown being causing my kids so much concern is a ghost… Being quite lapsed from the faith of my childhood, I have to assume I am now on my own when it comes to malevolent spirits.

With my heart in my throat and the remote control in my hand (my plan there was to try and beat any intruder soundly about the head and shoulders) I force myself towards the back door. Why on earth did I choose to live in the middle of nowhere? Why did I choose a house so far away from everyone else? Why don’t I own a baseball bat? Why do I live in a town with no police force? And why on God’s green earth am I walking towards that back door?

I make all kinds of fun of those idiots who hear a noise in the horror movies and head out in their PJs to investigate. What kind of moron actually does that, right? Here I have two hounds in full fight or flight mode and what do I do? I reached the door, pushed past Bettina, and took a deep breath. I flipped on the porch light and stifled a scream at seeing….absolutely nothing.

Blue and Bettina survey the back yard and do the canine equivalent of shrugging their shoulders. Blue went back to his bed and settled back in for a nap after all the excitement. Bettina just looked at me and wandered off to the kitchen to see if I dropped anything that she may have missed.

Seriously guys? Are you trying to kill me? Getting no sympathy from my furry children, I went back to the living room and settled back down on the couch. It wasn’t long before I had dozed off into a fitful sleep during which I dream of ghosts, axe murderers and boogie men. I don’t know how long I have been sleeping but as the dreams get scarier, I find myself awakened by an extremely loud and disembodied bark directly in my ear.

For the first time in my life, I came out of a deep sleep screaming like a horror movie actress. When the fog cleared I see before me a small black dog with a look of utter bewilderment and fear on her face, quickly back pedaling away from me and possibly wondering if her mumma had completely lost her marbles. I also see the backside of Blue as he runs for the safety of the office, down at the end of the hall.

As my heart stops trip hammering, I consider saying I am sorry for scaring the kids so much. If I were a good mumma, I would do just that. But instead I considered us now even with everyone having lost some number of years off their lives on this evening. I turn off Ghost Adventures, take the remote with me in case I needed it as a weapon, and bury myself deep under my covers to wait for daylight.