Magical Thinking

My love for you shall live forever. 
You, however, did not.  
~Lemony Snicket 

Today would have been Girly Girl’s 10th birthday.  She’s been gone more than 2 years now and I still think about her every day.  Since she left, I have read countless stories of people who have lost their greyhounds to cancer.  Some of those people had even less time with their hounds than I had with my sweet girl.  I feel so angry and cheated about our short 3 ½ years together.  I can’t imagine what people feel like who had even less time than that. 

Girly Girl greyhound-steel core magnolia
I confess to a certain amount of magical thinking where Girly Girl is concerned.  I often wonder just how far I might go to get her back.  I’ve thought about what I’d be prepared to give up if the end result were she came back to me.  An arm?  My house?  Blue?  Bettina?  Everything?  What if I had the option of a pet cemetery like the one in Stephen King’s novel Pet Sematary.  In that cemetery you had to bury your dead pet in the right spot and it returned to you alive.  The only problem was that it came back evil with the intent to kill you.  There is always fine print in any contract.  Knowing the result of a choice to bury her in a place like that, would I do it?  Would it be worth the eventual loss of my own life to have her back again? 

I think about having her cloned using DNA from the hair we clipped before she was cremated.  They say that you can end up with a dog that looks almost identical to the one you had.   Would it be enough to get a hound that looks exactly like her but is completely different in personality?  My cloned hound would not have a hock fracture, a hatred of snakes or a love for wild strawberries.  What if I got a hound that was similar to her in personality and mannerisms but looked nothing like her?  Would I be happy with either of those hounds? 

Lest you worry, I fully understand how insane these lines of thought are.  I know that these sorts of bargains can never be made and for very good reason.  The fine print gets you every time.  Would I be happy with a Girly Girl whose personality was completely changed from the Girly Girl I knew?  Probably not.  Would the thought of being able to fill the giant empty space in my heart tempt me to consider such an option were it actually available?  I would be a liar if I said it wouldn’t.  Would I give Blue or Bettina back if that were the only way to bring Girly Girl back home?   That’s a Sophie’s choice situation.  One big empty space might be filled, but two more spaces would be created. 

I think it’s the absolute powerlessness I feel over the course of events that led us to this point which causes me to explore these darker corners.  Once the diagnosis was given, the end result was a foregone conclusion.  We were sitting on those train tracks with no ability to get away, signal the driver or in any other way stop that train.  We ran around like crazy chickens with our heads cut off yet every time we looked up to see where the train was, we were somehow right back on the tracks and that train was so much closer. 

The truth of it all is that on any given day, I’m really not sure what I’d do if somehow presented with the option to get Girly Girl back at some great cost to me.  The thing that made Girly Girl so special was her soul and the experiences she went through that shaped her into the steel core magnolia she was.  It didn’t have to do with her mannerisms or her outer shell.    So here’s to Girly Girl’s would be 10th birthday.  You are so very missed by your crazy Mumma.


  1. I'm so sad thinking of you remembering your Girly Girl on what would have been her 10th birthday. Contemplating these things, you can see where the stories come from. I think you honor the love you had for each other both in your deep feelings of loss and your ability to love again. Hugs to you.

  2. RIP Girly Girl xxx all those lines of thought just prove she was your heart dog <3

  3. I felt similarly about my first Greyhound, Treat. She had a suspected spinal tumor and it was just five weeks from beginning to end. But would I give up any of the dogs we have now to get her back? No. I couldn't ever be happy with a pale imitation of what she was, and she chose her successor for me well!

  4. They say you never die as long as there is someone somewhere that remembers you....well she lives well with the number of people that remember her and loved her and love her still.

  5. I can certainly understand your line of thought. Our first Cardigan, Dylan, has been gone almost 10 years now, but we still set aside time on his would-have-been birthday each year to remember him. He lived a good long life (almost 17 years) so I couldn't really ask for more. I have two wonderful Cardis as a result of Dylan being in my life, and I would not trade to get him back. It is their turn in the sunlight.....

  6. That magical thinking can really get under your skin, can't it? What if? What if? What if . . . .?
    I didn't know GG, but I do know what she inspired you to do - bring her into your home, share your life with her on this blog, then - because she was so wonderful - open your doors even wider to other little needlenoses, encourage and support others who do the same (thinking of Lady Flame here).
    I'm with Grammy, GG lives on -- as evidenced by your thoughts of her on her birthday.
    Happy birthday, sweet girl. Keep heaven in order!

  7. I try not to think about these kinds of things. It just sucks you in. I go and hug the kids I have now, and take a nap with them so that we can snuggle, and hopefully my head is cleared when I wake up.

  8. You asked about where I get props, and the truth is, all over the place, but one of my favorite places to hunt for them is Hobby Lobby. They have all kinds of stuff, and it's pretty cheap most of the time, so you don't have to sweat it too much if the dogs do something to it! ;)


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